Next Victim...(Ash's Story)
I met my abuser long before he became my abuser. This monster hunted me for over a decade,
finally finding the right opportunity to make his move after a series of unfortunate events had
unfolded in my life.
In the winter of 2017 my abuser met a woman full of life, hungry for success, who had been
carrying the weight of the world on her shoulder for far too long. Tired of being the one that held
it together for so long, it was refreshing to meet a “man” who wanted to build me up and be a
team with me. When I thought it was too good to be true, it really was. None of the promises he
made me ever came to life, the very things he once loved about me before became the reasons
later in our relationship for the emotional, verbal and physical abuse.I moved my son and myself
into a home with my abuser, I spent every waking moment trying to please this man, it wasn’t
just his appetite for food that kept me constantly spinning my wheels. His appetite for control
was insatiable. Within a few months’ time, I had been isolated from my best friends, my mind
manipulated to believe they were the ones out to get me, my own family was painted to be the
enemy, and work, forget my career. He’d make it big some day and take care of us all.... Except
that was a perfectly flawed plan. How on earth did I believe he’d ever take care of my son and
me? He couldn’t take care of himself; I was the only one keeping him above water. All the while,
I was drowning.Sometimes I catch my mind wandering down a destructive path of “How stupid
could I have possibly been to believe all the things he told me,” why did I do all those things to
prove to him how much I loved him, why did I stop loving myself for someone who didn’t love me
to begin with? I may never have the answers to those questions, but it really is true that I didn’t
realize it was abuse. Even after he physically assaulted me, I DID NOT REALIZE IT WAS ABUSE. I
thought he just loved me so much, he cared about me THAT much, I needed to be more careful
and honor him more and then he wouldn’t get so mad at me.
I was beat to the point that I was unrecognizable, I’m not sure what injuries I really sustained the
first time he put his hands on me. But I am sure that I nearly died that night. Eyes swollen shut,
asphyxiated on the kitchen floor, covered in bruises, cuts and blood and raped by him – I forgave
him once.Until it happened again on a cold night in March. High on a number of substances and
drunk on too much Vodka, I became his target. After hours of screaming at me, the physical
violence started. A head butt, some intimidation, some threats, before finally getting thrown
around the house. I again had the thought, if I don’t get out of here I am going to die.
After having glass shattered across my body, being choked and hit and slammed against every
surface in the kitchen, and him grabbing my face and actually biting me – I ran. I grabbed what I
could and quite literally ran for my life. That night I stood up for myself and all the other women
that this man has hurt and could potentially hurt in the future. I reported my abuser.4 months
later and I’m not sure I will ever be able to fully recover from the pain that I endured the last
2 years. I’m not sure I’ll ever go somewhere and not look over my shoulder for him. When he
looked me in the eyes and told me he’d kill my son and me if I went to the police, I believed him
then and I still do. There’s a laundry list of lies he told me, but I believe that was the truth.
4 months later and justice has still not been served yet. 4 months have gone by that he has been
bailed out by his mom and dad, living freely, and highly likely preying on his next victim.
I wish, more than anything, I could protect every woman in this universe from experiencing
the pain that I have gone through. But, I know I can’t do that.What I can do is tell you – IF
SOMETHING DOESN’T FEEL RIGHT DON’T STAY. If his or her story doesn’t add up you don’t have
to tolerate it. Love is not tearing you down to the core, love does not leave bruises on your body,
a man that loves you will not make you question your own sanity and worth. You will not be left
on the streets to die, starve, and be homeless. There are shelters and advocates that can and
will help you. Don’t put yourself and most importantly if you have them, your babies, through this
pain. Take a stand and walk away.
Loving someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder is like loving a character out of a movie.
They don’t exist, they’ve molded themselves to be the person you want them to be, and their
mask will fall away eventually.If you, or someone you love, is in an abusive relationship – SPEAK
UP. 1 woman a week is killed at the hands of a current or former partner. 1 in 4 women have been
the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner. 77% of women ages 18-14 and 76%
of women ages 25-34 have been victimized by the same offender. Stand up for yourself and the
people you love. If something seems wrong, it’s because it isn’t right.